*lindsey {a former mississippian makes a home in new york}

::rearview mirror::

 

it's too quiet here.  time feels like it's moving in slow motion.  i don't think i'm suited for blogging.  i've been going through old journals and photos and found this one of my grandmother.  i think she was sixteen when it was taken.  for some reason she reminds me of a chekhov character.  i miss her terribly.  her real name was florence...but we called her gagy.

 

i am loving this one of abby and natalie taken at my stepson's wedding awhile back - angels in the form of granddaughters.  they were my saving grace.  i have never felt so out of place.  or invisible.

 

 

::strolling around::

 

  

*blueberry season around here reminds me of picking them with my gorgeous granddaughter abby back in mississippi!!!!!

 

 

  

 

"wander on slowly like the still unhurried wind, waiting, as for a gift...are my boots old?  is my coat torn?  am i no longer young, and still not half-perfect?  let me keep my mind on what matters, which is mostly standing still and learning to be astonished." ~ mary oliver

::radio gals::

  

"it's 'love is pain' day on kbhr.  music to soothe the shattered heart. dedicated to you, dr. joel." ~ chris in the morning, northern exposure

mark and i first met in the fall of 1981.  wow.  that seems like eons ago.  we both worked at kcrs.  THE radio station in midland, texas.  i was the jennifer marlowe to his les nessman.  instantly, we were part of a mutual hatred society.  i remember standing in the doorway wearing a gauzy white dress.  sheer.  no slip.  very sexy.  probably inappropriate for the workplace.  anyway, mark thought i was a slut.  i thought he was moody and boorish.  one of us was right!  but i digress...over the weekend, we  went to see alfred community theatre's production of "radio gals" with hazel hunt and her hazelnuts.  how could we not.  hilarious. 

p.s. - today it's monday.  again.  i burned my cinnamon toast.  my teeth are flecked with black.  

happy monday!

::witches can be right, giants can be good::

    

recovering from our road trip.  no phones.  no twitter.  no internet.  very little sleep.  i still cannot feel my butt.   however, we were in very good company - witches, giants, a baker, rapunzel, red riding hood, two funny princes, a wolf, lots of jets and sharks.  storybook perfection.  plus, we knew the costume designer.  cannot wait to do it all over again...except the part where the car wouldn't start and ummmmmmmm...we had to drag someone out of bed at 4 am to help. 

  

thank you stagedoor.

happy summer!

::if this is thursday::

 

if this is thursday, re-check library books, finish start cleaning the house, change the litterbox, figure out what i'm wearing to see sam's plays this weekend (remember to pack a book and the camera and pay bills before we leave).  if this is thursday, mark is in massachusetts interviewing for a job.  have i mentioned unemployment SUCKS. 

if this is thursday, burn notice is on tonight, new netflix movies should arrive tomorrow, and i haven't taken my shower yet.  if this is thursday, i am reluctantly giving in to living in alfred, new york.  allowing myself the possibility that we aren't going anywhere.  i guess i should finish unpacking the rest of the boxes (from 2 years ago).  lately i've been hearing things.  seeing things that aren't really there.  stress.  unhealthy obsessions.  insomnia.  if this is thursday, our mad old neighbor lady will be pounding on her window at the cats.  however, she's never anywhere in sight.  if this is thursday, i am inside (i find myself reluctant to do anything that involves leaving the house and spending money), reading my book (the monsters of templeton), blogs, twitter (sensory overload), wondering when the two journalists imprisoned in north korea will be released.  if this is thursday, the laundry is done, the grass freshly mowed, tomato soup with cilantro and cottage cheese for lunch, trying to find grace in small things.  if this is thursday, the sun is flirting with me beckoning me outside, i need to schedule a dentist appointment but we no longer have any insurance.  if this is thursday, some of the mail sits unopened and unread, the dog needs walking, we have another water leak in the village, students are on campus enjoying theatre camp and creative writing, i am craving figs.  if this is thursday, i am wanting to start collecting discarded grocery store lists/receipts. 

what does your thursday look like?

::white, blue, red::

  

 

 

 

NO rain.  blue skies.  drinks, chicken wings, fries with sauce, movie, butterfingers, magical fireworks, beautiful breeze.  PERFECT independence day.

hope you had a happy 4th of july!

::the foghorn::

 

she didn't mind lying awake in the dark; she could think.  how thankful she was to be tall enough to carry off the new fashion in sleeves!  charm?  how much more charm counted than mere beauty, and she herself had it 'full measure and running over.  how strange that she of all girls should have fallen in love with a married man.  fog on the bay.  since childhood she had loved to hear that long-drawn-out, almost-human moan of the foghorn as she lay warm and sheltered in bed.  IT was on a night of fog they had spoken for the first time, although they had nodded.

i was 17 when i first performed gertrude atherton's short story to win a drama scholarship to eastern new mexico university (in the thriving metropolis of portales, new mexico).  i can't believe i still remember all the words.  i should have gone on to major in theatre, but i played it safe and chose education instead.  i never graduated.  these days i'm tired of playing it safe.  i want to believe forgotten wishes come true, past mistakes don't count.  that you CAN color outside the lines, step outside the box.  and change.  and go beyond what's familiar and comfortable.  and become something else even as you begin to approach 50.  i want something i've accomplished.  something no one can ever take away. 

"i just want a huge vat of coffee and my best friend to make me laugh and then i will go home and take a hot bath and finish my story." ~ lauren groff

::halcyon days::

 

"gorgeous, vapory, silent hues cover the evening sky." ~ walt whitman

revelling in nonsense today.  our favorite ice cream place has been closed since last september and was supposed to have re-opened yesterday.  the universe is cruel like that.